crankyspanker

I realize that this post is somewhat off topic but if I don’t lighten up real soon I think I am going to meltdown and disappear in a cloud of funk. That being said and desperately looking for a diversion I must comment on the livestock living right outside my windows.

Country living is really cool, except when it’s hot. This last winter was dryer than the last couple of years so the small drainage ditches on my property are already pretty much dried up. That leaves bunches of thirsty critters looking for a cool drink. All of the following pictures were taken from the front room in my home and I hope you enjoy the change.

To begin wildlife 101, we have the predators, those animals that live by eating others, and I don’t mean in a good way.

That is Bobcat and cub plus one hungry hawk like bird. The baby bobcats were twins and we were completely amazed to see them playing like big overgrown kittens in the street.

Then there are the cute herbivores, this couple moved into my wife’s office for a couple of weeks and only moved out when we threatened to evict them.

Chipmunks, and squirrels and deer Oh MY! All baby animals are cute and adorable, some more than others. This time of year the quail hatch many chicks and when they first appear they are little more than small balls of fluff with feet. They run around the yard chasing each other and seem to have a grand time. All the small animals seem to devote time for play. The Chipmunks use the fence around our small yard like a three lane race course. Every so often I will be watching them run around and one will run up to the windows, stop suddenly and peer into the house. Completely unafraid and calm they wave their tails almost with a hypnotic effect and even seem to chirp in time with them.

Well things just got a little more heated when the little one was finally able to get into the swim of things.

Ok where did everybody go!

CS

2013 the only thing I can say is “it could be worse” This year has been tough for me. I have been distracted from the things that interest me by a continual barrage of  problems of all different sizes. The latest insult over the six months or maybe longer I have noticed that my sight seemed to be getting worse. I had assumed that the problem was just one more symptom of getting older. I meant to get an eye exam but there was always something more urgent. I was heading to California to do a little work, I was finally felt up to the trip. I had contracted to be there two months earlier and I assumed that I would have plenty of time to get ready and prepare for the job. Wrong on both counts.

On the way to California I noticed a strange shadow thingie floating in my field of vision, only in front of my right eye. I found out later this is referred to a floater. I thought the thing was temporary but it was persistent, darned thingie. I finally saw my Doctor’s assistant a couple of weeks later and he told me to see an ophthalmologist. I made an appointment on Tuesday and had one of the most thorough eye exam that I ever had. After peering into the offending eye with a lens glued to it with some slimy substance he said that I had a retinal tear. He insisted that I travel to Phoenix to see an ophthalmic surgeon. While we were setting up the appointment to see the surgeon Dr number one reminded the scheduling assistant that there was also a detachment.

That sounded bad, I looked it up and according to the internet when the retina is pulled away from the back of the eye it is called a retinal detachment. The retina does not work very well when it is detached and vision become blurry. A retinal detachment is very a very serious problem that almost always causes blindness unless it is treated with detached retina surgery.

I was seen by the surgeon Wednesday and after another round of dilation and examination this procedure was decided. I needed surgery and once the procedure was completed I had to stay in Phoenix for 6 weeks because I could not return home due to the altitude there. Six weeks is impossible I told him and he said that a slightly smaller bubble, not as certain as the full one, could be used and I would only have to stay a week.

So it was decided. I would have my right eye worked on and a scleral buckle, that’s the best name they could come up with, would place a flexible band around my eye to pull the retina into place and be left in place. A vitrectomy and pneumatic retinoplexy would complete the operation. A gas bubble is injected into the vitreous space inside the eye in combination with laser surgery. The gas bubble pushes the retinal tear into place against the back wall of the eye. Sometimes this procedure can be done in the ophthalmologist’s office. Your ophthalmologist will ask you to constantly maintain a certain head position for several days. The gas bubble will gradually disappear. That bubble might expand too much if I went to a higher altitude and cause more damage of course air travel was definitely put off.

The procedure was scheduled Friday morning and according to the surgeon and staff I did very well. I was so medicated I think that my penis fell off and I did not eve notice it. So here I am in a room at the local Hyatt one eye swollen shut and wondering where my penis is.

I was very fond of it, about so long uncut with a small  spot about an inch from the business end. Positively a spotted Dick. If anyone finds it I am offering a reward. It answers to the name Spot.

One other thing I was being escorted around by my niece and her son had an eye patch with a pirate logo on it, just what I needed really!  I am looking forward to posting something positive soon. I may have to just ask for help.

CS

2013 well as far as I can tell it has been my Y2k. I have had so many effing problems that I was not sure if my slow decline had turned into free fall. I really don’t mean to whine, well at least not too much, but I was actually unable to even muster any enthusiasm for my all time favorite thing. I could imagine my fantasy woman whispering in my ear, “I have been very naughty and need to be punished”. Do you have an appointment? If you don’t have an appointment I can not be of any assistance. ARGGGG!!!!

But seriously how can anything have any meaning if you can not get up off your ass. I mean I renewed my passport with every intention of using it. I want to practice the French I learned in school “Le crayon est sur la table” or maybe some phrases I have added since. “Vous êtes très belle et je vous le désirez” Courtesy of Google translate.

I mean I have only been to Europe once and there are so many things I want to experience and see before I am unable to do so. You can travel in a wheelchair but I really don’t want to wait. My heritage is Italian, my father was born north of Rome and my mother was born in Sicily. I might even be able to communicate with the citizens of the UK, I hear they speak a dialect of English there.

I have always been attracted to Irish ladies. I worked for an import/export company in California and there was this young colleen working there. Red hair and a face full of freckles but when she spoke her Irish accent made my toes curl. I was working on MIS support and always hoped that if I was lucky there would be something, anything wrong with her computer so I could sit at her desk while we flirted shamelessly. The file server is crashing? It can wait but your Excel spreadsheet won’t open well that’s important. She got her computer worked on and I got my ego stroked, I would call that a win-win. She was too young for me and I am married but please I could still dream.

I never did get Armani but in the spirit of not procrastinating I did buy some Hugo Boss suits. Of course I went to the outlet store in Phoenix, it’s really hard to break the habits of a lifetime but a couple of 1k plus suits for a little over 700 sounds good to me. I’ll post pics. I hope to add new material soon.

CS

I have had a lot of downtime lately, the perfect excuse to drag out the old dvds and watch a favorite show. I really did not want to like Farscape. I hated the theme music, I thought the premise very thin and Muppets, Jim Henson Muppets to feature on an adult science fiction show produced by SciFi. A long shot at best, but despite my misgivings I watched the show and it really grew on me, eventually waiting for each new episode impatiently.

Not only was Ben Browder the star of the show he also was often part of the stunt team. He was a stunt mat for Claudia Black as often as the shows creators could throw her at him. One of my favorite sequences had Ben sprawled on top of Claudia and she sweetly asks him, “Are you comfortable, can I get you a beverage?” Well it’s a dirty job but someone had to do it.

After viewing some of the shows I realized that Farscape characters stood out from other run of the mill space operas, these people had bodily functions, the enjoyed sex, or as Claudia Black’s peacekeeper called it recreating. They also liked to party and often overdid it, like people I know. One particularly disgusting sequence featured large piles of vomit. They are trying to identify which pile belongs to which teammate when Chiana sticks her hand in one pile and tastes it, “This one is D’argo for sure”.  Oops almost lost my lunch but funny!

Here are a few sample screen captures to illustrate my point.

This is Claudia Black striding on to the bridge after the ship has flown into the latest intergalactic space wedgie. Suited up for action in likely storm trooper  attire, gray tank top, white boxers and army boots.

Here she is scratching herself and clearly bored witless.

Are those my underwear, clearly not these belong to Calvin.

Pickup any alien women lately, D’argo “I am a full-blooded Luxan, and ladies, I have so much cash in my pocket that I can assure you that the three of us will crawl out of here on our hands and knees come sunrise tomorrow morning…” Does this line work often?

I have had the problem of waking up in embarrassing situations after partying too vigorously but nothing like this!

There were some other favorite moments Dominar Rigel constantly complaining about Zhaan’s big blue butt which she showed us in the first season. John walking in and catching Chiana or pip posting on top of D’argo. They even did the obligatory switched body script with John being in Aeryn Sun’s body and enjoying being a girl.

Well I enjoyed the show and I recommend it for science fiction fans.

CS