I AM NOT……..A FREAK

Despite that assertion and the way I feel today it hasn’t been very easy for me at all. My being a Spanko for as long as I can remember; most of my life it was something that generated an intense feeling of shame and something that I should keep secret because it was so abnormal. I have been painfully shy and introverted, even today talking about it out loud could result in loss of emotional control. It is strange to believe but I was seriously self conscious and with virtually no self-esteem. Incredibly though while being that insecure I still felt that I was the most intelligent fellow in the room.

My deviancy started early well before sexuality or even nocturnal emissions. I remember attempting to spank my self, usually unsuccessfully although I somehow managed to get a really sore butt with a plumber’s helper or plunger. I whacked myself using the full length of the splintery wooden handle of the thing and fondly recall winding up with a behind that was definitely uncomfortable to sit on. My experiments with a steam iron were not so good; I had a strange scar on the inside of one cheek for the longest time. I think I was inspired by that sitting on a hot stove gag, you really can’t believe everything that you hear.

Then there were girls, the most infuriating and fickle, irritating, painful, amazing, desirable, loveable and wonderful things in this world. Holding one of the female persuasions in my arms and being held, just kissing and cuddling for as long as I could get them alone and in my arms was unbelievable, at least to me. As great as all that was my hands invariably wandered down to cup and rub jean clad bottoms, then pantied and if I was bold enough lovely chubby bare butt cheeks. I never attempted a pinch or a slap but did once make the final mistake of leaving a hickey on a lovely bare bottom, forgot about taking showers in school.

I was still unspanked and doing no spanking even after I moved to the West coast. After I had reasonable success working in the mil sped optics field, I devoted so much of my life to that career there was little to no time left for social pursuits. There were long dry spells interrupted by interesting interludes. I fondly remember this cute Hispanic girl, brown as a nut and one of the few women in my life who had zero inhibition about sucking and licking me. We were doing a sixty-nine competing to see who could get the other off first and I thought I would cheat. One mild slap on that beautiful brown ass and that was that. No excuses, or explanations or second chances she was done with me.

Well that was my life, over and over. Any time I let my perversion peak out I was gone. It only underlined my feeling of being a total freak. Spanking was and is the most exciting thing there is hands down, and up, and down. I refused to admit it even to a therapist.

Then I read this book. It is the story of Erica Scott her life and how she managed to work her inner Spanko into a full life. The book is called “Late Bloomer” and after reading it I felt so much better about my self. I started this blog and actually went to a Shadow Lane Spanking Party. Things take time to change though and the first year I went I still spent a lot of time hiding in my suite; but when I got out of my shell I did manage to enjoy my self. This last party was even better.

image001The book should still be available form Amazon but if it is too late you can still read Erica’s Blog. See Link at right.

CS

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2 Responses to I AM NOT……..A FREAK

  1. Nancy Eldis says:

    Dear Cranky,
    As I am sure you know, your story is NOT unique!! I am a “lifer”, having had the fascination for spanking my entire life. As long as I remember, I was excited by spankings in movies, comics, tv, and cartoons! I was a good girl, and received very few spankings that I remember, and did not like them ONE BIT! But, still the fascination remained.
    I was extremely fortunate, however, that my sister shared my interest! so I never had that alone feeling, wondering if I was the only one with this “kink”.
    Now, at the tender age of 60, I have over 20 years of being part of the scene under my belt, (or on my bottom!)
    I am SO glad that you “found yourself” finally!
    Best wishes,
    Nancy

    • Hi Nancy

      Thank you for understanding my situation. I was going to keep going but posts that are overlong are hard to stay with. Please come back anytime, I had some other points to dwell on since I am still chewing on them I plan to post soon. You mentioned one of the things going around in my head and I think anything you had to add would be helpful.

      CS

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