crankyspanker

I have good periods and then not so good periods. I just wanted to say that the first person that I ever had sex with was not one of the young women that I was trying to convince to go all the way with me. I was kind of adopted by a very nice lesbian couple in the village in New York City. You may remember that they introduced me to some new sensations that I probably would have passed on otherwise.

One evening I was hanging out with my friends and this very handsome young man came by. I don’t doubt that he could have had his pick of many women not only was he good looking but he was a teacher by profession. But for some reason that evades me to this day he was interested in me.

He invited me to his place and I went with him. I do not feel that I was molested or injured in any way by this encounter.  The claim that people are survivors of molestation just makes me laugh. He was patient and inwardly I knew what he expected of me but I was a little nervous. He undressed me and tried to lubricate my ass, I never used other peoples bathrooms and I was literally full of it. He asked me if I needed to use the bathroom and I made the lame excuse that I was constipated.  After using his bathroom he resumed his attentions, he lifted my legs so that he could achieve penetration face to face.

I am still uncertain to this day just what he saw in me that attracted him, but he pressed his pretty dick into  my ass and started to move in and out. I was way too intimidated to even have an erection at this point but he continued until he came. I definitely felt his orgasm despite the position I was in and I think I would have seen him again except that I moved to California right after this.

I was not converted to a homosexual by this experience but I was pleased to be found desirable by such a good looking fellow.

CS

In a previous I posted a small clip from a Jerry Lewis movie. It was from The Disorderly Orderly. In the clip he is trying to assist a nurse with bandaging a patient and instead winds up with the nurse bound to the patient and his bed.

I was lucky enough to see him in Los Angeles in Damn Yankees. Recently there was a special highlighting the career of Jerry called Jerry Lewis: Method to the Madness. There was a clip from The Geisha Boy, one of the funniest of Jerry’s sad sack movies. I had really liked this movie as a boy and I did remember that Jerry was upstaged by a rabbit and a little Japanese boy. It also introduced the world to a very young Suzanne Pleshette. There were many funny moments but the following clip captured my imagination.

One of my favorite scenes.

Sesseue Hayakawa reprised his role in “The Bridge On The River Kwai”, including the famous whistling, and the Los Angeles Dodgers.

CS

The colonoscope is a thin, flexible tube that ranges from 48 in. (122 cm) to 72 in. (183 cm) long. A small video camera is attached to the colonoscope so that your doctor can take pictures or video of the large intestine (colon). The colonoscope can be used to look at the whole colon and the lower part of the small intestine.

You will need to take off most of your clothes. You will be given a gown to wear during the test. You may lie on your left side with your knees pulled up to your belly. The doctor will gently put a gloved finger into your anus to check for blockage. Then he or she will put the thin, flexible colonoscope in your anus and move it slowly through your colon. The doctor can look at the lining of the colon through the scope or on a computer screen hooked to the scope.

Yes I have been through this procedure many times, for me it was an annual event, like a birthday, but more a pain in the butt. I think I was advised about making sure that I wore clean underwear but this is an unusual case. What about a quickly scheduled test. I am sure that My Doc has probably seen many things but showing up for a test like this with a bright red ass or even lines just makes me wonder how I can account for my current condition. Has any spanko ever been asked “excuse me but are you abused at home”?

I just have to replay the conversation in “Ghost Town” from IMDB. Bertram Pincus is played by Ricky Gervais (one of his best).

Hospital Nurse: Date of birth?
Bertram Pincus: Why?
Hospital Nurse: What day were you born?
Bertram Pincus: No, I understood the question. Why do you need to know that?
Hospital Nurse: Let’s leave it blank. Weight?
Bertram Pincus: Last night or this morning?
Hospital Nurse: You pick.
Bertram Pincus: Hundred eighty-two pounds.
Hospital Nurse: Number of alcoholic beverages consumed per week?
Bertram Pincus: Why do you need to know that?
Hospital Nurse: Well, they want to know.
Bertram Pincus: Well, I’m sure “they” want to know a lot of things, but I don’t want my intimate details auctioned off to the highest bidder,willy-nilly.
Hospital Nurse: I’ll put zero. Marital status?
Bertram Pincus: Pass.
Hospital Nurse: Profession?
Bertram Pincus: Irrelevant.
Hospital Nurse: Food allergies?
Bertram Pincus: I’m not going to be eating here.
Hospital Nurse: Are you allergic to sticking plaster?
Bertram Pincus: What a ludicrous question. I’m not answering any more of these, really.
Hospital Nurse: Do you smoke?
Bertram Pincus: Stop it.
Hospital Nurse: Do you wear dentures?
Bertram Pincus: Madame, listen.

Hospital Nurse: When was the last time you ate?
Bertram Pincus: A pertinent question at last. Yesterday, lunchtime. Thanks for asking. I had a tuna sandwich. Toast was soggy, but…
Hospital Nurse: Did you drink the laxative solution?
Bertram Pincus: Yes.
Hospital Nurse: Did it work?
Bertram Pincus: It was as advertised.
Hospital Nurse: Did you evacuate your bowls?
Bertram Pincus: I drank copious amounts of drain-cleaning fluid. What followed was fait accompli.
Hospital Nurse: Sir, what I’m asking is if you were…
Bertram Pincus: I shat. Okay? Good. Again and again. It was like a terrorist attack down there in the darkness and the chaos,the running and the screaming, okay?
Hospital Nurse: Fine with me.
Bertram Pincus: Good.
Bertram Pincus: Gross invasion of my privacy, this.

Admitting Nurse: Wait’ll they get you in the back.

Now I know this is fiction but how often does reality mirror fiction. There is a section of the paperwork required for this procedure called lifestyle. The last question in this section is “Do you feel safe at home? Yes, I have a nightlight and a glock, are you satisfied?

I am waiting for the addition of other queries to this section.

Do you obey traffic rules and always wear you safety belt?

Do you floss after eating?

When are you going to quit (fill in this blank)?

Do you eat fast food more than twice a week?

I think I made my point.

CS

I thought that I had a pretty good imagination when it came to making spanking toys. Recently a couple of items were posted that I thought needed a second look, just in case you missed them the first time around.

The first is a shorter version of the traditional rug beater. The Rug Beater OTK made by Cane-iac and available at http://www.cane-iac.com/items/rattan-canes~loops/rugbeaterotk-detail.htm.

This toy really inflamed my imagination especially as demonstrated by Dana Cane. You can find her product testing video of this and other toys here. http://www.danakane.blogspot.com/?zx=bedde4a7ecbacc1c

The other was posted by Spank Boss on the Spanking Blog on January 9. You can find this awesome toy at the stockroom. The link is http://www.stockroom.com/Jackboot-Paddle-P4725.aspx?ref=840050.

I don’t know if anyone has tried one of these but I have to imagine the result will be something like this drawing by Kami Tora.

CS

I hate pain, really hate it. It doesn’t matter headaches, back or joint pain or that annoying stiff knot that I get in the middle of my back when I spend too much time working on my computer. If I stub my toe or have a toothache I want pain killers. On the other hand I really love spanking, it’s my primary erotic fixation, so despite my aforementioned hatred of pain I don’t mind sitting on a sore butt. In fact easing my toasted buns into the cold leather on my recliner in the morning is awesome.

Getting to that state of sore butt bliss can be daunting. On occasion despite my attraction it has proven to be a real challenge to grin and bare it. When I think I just can not take it anymore and it feels like my ass is on fire when I check the damages my butt is “Barely Pink” (no offence but it’s the most apt description).

At other times I have done the obligatory butt check to find my ass not so much colored but the texture of my skin seems to be really leathery.

Another time I recall I thought the play was relatively mild but the next day when I was driving I had to drive side saddle. I developed an enormous black and blue on just one cheek. It soon healed though it changed into the strangest colors along the way.

So all in all I would have to say that pain is relative. To some it would just be a pain in the ass and to others a pleasure.

CS

There are plenty of internet sites to buy spanking toys. I have collected quite a few but in the past it was more common to use ordinary household items, other than the standard brushes. I remember one friend that had a very large silicon spatula in her kitchen, the type that you use to scrape out bowls. I have not seen on that that large since but for its size and weight it really delivered a resounding smack. The kitchen is really a good place to find impromptu implements, cutting boards, stirrers, wooden spoons and such all can be put to good use.

Other times I tried to make my own custom toys using various materials with mixed success. There were some that were not satisfactory at all, licorice whips were definitely misnamed. It is amazing what you can make with on hand materials and a little imagination.

One of the most successful toys I made consisted of several loops of wire from old appliance electrical cords. Using electrical tape I folded a couple of lengths of cord and taped the whole thing keeping the cords tight and flat. This worked extremely well and made an effective and relatively quiet toy. I later found a similar idea made by Adam and Gillian’s Sensual Whips and Toys. Their creation aptly called a carcass beater is rated severe

I was thinking I was pretty original but I am not alone. On the website Finding Our Way I found instruction for making a similar instrument called a Loopy Johnny. Very stingy but whisper quiet for private play.

The local hardware store is full of stuff to make toys from. I have just used the occasional wooden dowel.

One other successful creation I believe inspired by “No Wire hangers” from Mommie Dearest. I took 3 nicely enameled wire hangers and carefully unfolded them. I folded them in half and then twisted them together tightly. I wrapped the end with electrical tape for the handle. The final product looked really vicious but that was not the case, it was very flexible and also quiet and effective.

CS