crankyspanker

I started to write a completely different post yesterday but for some reason it got away from me. Suddenly it turned into a rant and although I think that there is nothing wrong with venting once in a while no one wants to read it constantly.

But I have been considering the perfect implement recently and although my personal favorite is the old fashioned wooden hairbrush it’s not the only toy I like. Although I have used a single implement for the entire spanking and that can leave a behind reddened and smarting it can be limiting. Don’t get the wrong idea if you want spank someone using only your hand, it is possible to build up significant heat and leave a lasting impression using nothing more. The only drawback is that it probably will take longer but does everything have to happen on a schedule? Seriously why rush, really good stuff takes time.

For serious spanking though an implement is almost a requirement. I do believe that most spanking enthusiasts have managed to collect a few of these things over time. There are times when I only use one implement, and my favorite is not the only one. In any case a single toy and a single position can be extremely satisfactory especially if it’s like this one.

There are times however that a single position or implement just will not do. I am not sure if it’s because I am in the mood, or that I’m felling really tense, it could be a full moon, or that the moon is in the seventh house, or just maybe the lunatics are on the grass. Whatever the reason is it may just be the time to break out the heavy artillery, or many implements.

Maybe not that big but in extreme cases it is time to go through a lot of different positions and all the toys.

If you have collected this many implements all I can say is Hang on tight! It’s going to be a bumpy night!

CS

Too much maybe but I thought it was a funny notion. There are many items found around the house that are safe to use as spanking toys, however some ideas should have never left the drawing board.

There were these amazing gas stoves. They were usually enameled and sported 4 burners on the stove top. In the center of the cooking surface was a stainless steel griddle heated from below by an oval burner. “Like sitting on a hot stove” is a simile that is an expression not to be taken literally. If you sat on one of these griddles you would find yourself cooked rare in no time at all.

The steam iron as used by my personal heroes The Stooges is another item to be avoided. If you must try this do not set the heat any higher than ass, if you do scorching and burning are very likely. An alternative approach is to iron something and then sit on it! Carefully that is the heat may be short termed but hot is hot.

The grill wire brush. The wooden side of one of these long handled beasts is fine for paddling a deserving bottom; however under no circumstances should you use the other side with the fine wires. Unless you think that blood trickling down your thighs is a good thing. This would be definitely a good time for an application of alcohol. It would be a bad idea for me because I have been known to get woozy and even faint dead away at the sight of blood, especially my own.

Sandpaper glued to one side of a wooden paddle has been suggested. I would still think that too much of a good thing is still too much.

There are these paddle shaped structures from cactus plants. I have read stories about using these as paddles, but anything that may imbed organic material under the skin is probably a very bad idea. This is a really good idea for fantasies only and again not to be taken literally.

Barbed wire please don’t get me started you will be sorry.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

CS

I was hanging out one evening with one of my oldest friends; this was many years ago by the way. We were at the beginning of a long holiday weekend and wanted to do something special. It was time for a road trip and we decided to go to Reno. It was about 9 ½ hours by car and nearby was Sparks, Nevada one of the few places where prostitution is legal for adults over 18 years old. The place that we felt we had to see at least once was the infamous Mustang Ranch. Once we got to Reno we got a motel room and rested up for our evening.

We got directions from the desk clerk and went to The Mustang Ranch. I had read about the scene and what I had read did not justify the reality. We went into the ranch and there were a number of women just relaxing around the place. If my memory serves me about a dozen provocatively dressed women lined up from which we were to choose our companion. These were attractive women and I was hard pressed to select just one.

After I picked out an attractive blonde she took me to her room. All negotiations are conducted in private. We talked a while about what I wanted and I thought that I would like to spend a couple of hours with her. Driving all that way I did not want to be rushed and take my time.

Soon were we both naked and she washed me gently and check me out for problems. We fooled around a while and took a short break. During this interlude I felt relaxed enough to ask her if it was possible for me to spank her. Being a pro she took my request in stride and told me that was not what she was into. She then grabbed my ass, one cheek in each hand a while she was manipulating my butt told me that she could ask a friend to join us and they both would spank me silly. It felt great and if I had brought more money I probably would have asked her to let me meet her friend.

Since I was not prepared financially we finished our “date” and while I was cleaning up and getting dressed things got strange. She started acting nasty and I did not know what was happening. I did tell her that this was my first time and until recently I was unaware just what I had done wrong. Even though we had negotiated the price for her services I think that she was expecting a tip. If she had just told me that was customary I could have done what she wanted instead of having an argument about what we had just done. On the other hand arguing after sex may just be the complete girlfriend experience. My friend on the other hand was waiting in the bar nursing a beer, I think he was finished in 15 minutes. OOPS!

CS

I posted NU-WEST comics this Sunday and somehow missed the cover for Anne. For your viewing pleasure.

I think that Sir Alfred made some of the greatest films ever. He also brought to television some of the most cerebral and entertaining stories to date. I was watching some of The Alfred Hitchcock hour (I had recorded some episodes) and I saw this story starring Jeffery Hunter (first captain of The Enterprise) and Vera Miles a favorite of Alfred Hitchcock and John Ford. The teleplay however was not one of the finest presented.

I just had to bring this particular episode up because of a couple of lines of dialog. Daphne (Vera) takes a shortcut through the woods and is pursued and frightened by someone there. She gets to this party and all of the guests caution her of her choice to “go walking through the woods” is a very bad idea and it is capped by her boyfriends entrance and his statement “that girl deserves a good spanking.”

I know it was the sixties but Daphne was supposed to be pre-med and was expected to become a faculty wife, this was her boyfriend so girl could just be a foreshortened girlfriend. At least she did not freak out and run screaming from the room.

CS

So I was in my least favorite place today, the dentist’s office and this attractive dental assistant placed these odd devices in my mouth to facilitate her taking pictures of my teeth. She called them cheek retractors; luckily my mouth was full so I did not get the chance to exclaim what a great idea, and then explain that I was talking about butt cheeks.

Cheek retractors or cheek spreaders I just had to look this up. According to Google a cheek spreader is a fan of anal sex that makes perfect sense to me and there is a patent application for an automatic cheek spreader accessory for the toilet. I had other things in mind though.

I was looking for the right image to display using Google I came up with the device similar to what was used on me.

Amazingly this was another image that came up in the same search.

Works for me.

A device to gently spread the buttocks and hold them apart could just come in handy sometimes. It would be easier to get at those hard to reach nooks and crannies. I can imagine using a nice soft flogger to strike the soft flesh that usually goes untouched. Of course you can get a sub to hold her cheeks spread but this allows he hands to get in harms way. I am not really a fan of hitting hands; on the other hand a spread open backside is fair game.

In a pinch I would think the best short term solution would probably be duck tape. After all 95% of all household repairs can be accomplished with 200 mile per hour tape, at least for the short term that is.

CS

I was reading a foreword by Stephen King and he talks about the possibility that some of us are stuck at 19 or so. To paraphrase those at 19 are immortal and this is before the compromises of middle age and the insults of old age are felt. The years slide by and you look into the mirror and wonder just who the hell is that old fart. Well I am sympathetic, the years seem to get shorter and pass with frightening regularity. When I look back and think that my time ahead is much smaller than those behind; just take a look at my butt that proves it. So to sum up I have been feeling that my days are numbered and if I am going to do anything sooner would be better than later.

Imagination:

I can still imagine that a beautiful woman in a pretty sun dress might want me to spank her for her behavior. She would tell me what she has done and I would tell her that she has been very naughty and needs to be punished. I can see myself finding a nice chair without arms and setting it in the middle of the room. I would ask her to come to me and stand by my side while I inform her of her coming punishment. I would ease her across my lap and position her so that her bottom is nicely presented. I would then smooth her skirt and lift it to expose her panties. I would alternate cheeks and slap briskly until she kicks her legs or reaches back to protect her stinging fanny. That would be my cue to grab her free arm and bend it behind her back. It would be time to roll her underwear down to expose her hopefully pink cheeks and resume the spanking. Slapping her bare bottom to get it nice and pink all over.

Complication:

I would rub her fanny and see if my efforts were appreciated. At this point I think that I am straying into forbidden territory. I have been married for 14 years and have vowed that I would keep certain promises. I do not remember anywhere in that contract that would forbid me from spanking a pretty bottom. If my handiwork left my friend even slightly aroused and or excited this could be a problem. I have to admit that aroused may be pushing it a bit, at this time I would be happy if she were amused or even a little irritated.

I really believe that sex and spanking go together very nicely, you know like a horse and carriage, but I did sign on for monogamy. I did not agree to be celibate and if the only choice I have is celibacy or cheating well I have had enough of celibacy.

Negotiation:

This is me today. I like to believe that I have a few good years left in me, maybe more. For too many years now I have been closed to any possibilities. I even negotiated this blog. My wife thought that it might just increase my “unnatural desires”. She may have been right about that, not the unnatural part but by writing and reading posts from like minded people I am feeling that there are more possibilities and I am not finished yet.

CS

PS yes you can assume that is why I am so cranky!