Weapons of Ass Destruction

Too much maybe but I thought it was a funny notion. There are many items found around the house that are safe to use as spanking toys, however some ideas should have never left the drawing board.

There were these amazing gas stoves. They were usually enameled and sported 4 burners on the stove top. In the center of the cooking surface was a stainless steel griddle heated from below by an oval burner. “Like sitting on a hot stove” is a simile that is an expression not to be taken literally. If you sat on one of these griddles you would find yourself cooked rare in no time at all.

The steam iron as used by my personal heroes The Stooges is another item to be avoided. If you must try this do not set the heat any higher than ass, if you do scorching and burning are very likely. An alternative approach is to iron something and then sit on it! Carefully that is the heat may be short termed but hot is hot.

The grill wire brush. The wooden side of one of these long handled beasts is fine for paddling a deserving bottom; however under no circumstances should you use the other side with the fine wires. Unless you think that blood trickling down your thighs is a good thing. This would be definitely a good time for an application of alcohol. It would be a bad idea for me because I have been known to get woozy and even faint dead away at the sight of blood, especially my own.

Sandpaper glued to one side of a wooden paddle has been suggested. I would still think that too much of a good thing is still too much.

There are these paddle shaped structures from cactus plants. I have read stories about using these as paddles, but anything that may imbed organic material under the skin is probably a very bad idea. This is a really good idea for fantasies only and again not to be taken literally.

Barbed wire please don’t get me started you will be sorry.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.



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2 Responses to Weapons of Ass Destruction

  1. wordsmith says:

    Thank heaven for your final disclaimer, you had me worried 😀

  2. I will take the 5th about any details



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