crankyspanker

I am not talking about women. I can only speak for myself but if I am a little tired, hungry, horny or in pain I am a complete wreck. I get cranky over the smallest things. I can not imagine going through carrying a child to term and then giving birth.

Unfortunately women have been allowing old men in skirts to control their lives for far too long. I hope that all that is past or will soon be history.

I have met some women that in a class of their weight and height they would perform well regardless of sex. I worked for this company in Southern California for quite a few years and was soon promoted to middle management. I supervised the second shift at this facility and I hate to admit it I expected the people that I hired to work as hard as I did. I was very lucky most of the people that I did hire did work hard and I was able to get them raises as often as I could. This also made me look vey good so my salary increased also.

One of the women that worked my shift was the most attractive that I have ever had the pleasure to meet. She was married and one day completely out of the blue baldly stated that she disliked it when her husband spanked her. It was difficult for me to restrain myself but I managed. I really wanted details. I do think that if she had said that she loved it when her husband spanked her I would have lost it completely.

Another young woman that I interviewed, hired and trained liked working second shift so she could surf during the day. Was I attracted to her? Hell yes. Did I want her? Desperately, however she did come to work and did a splendid job. This was long before sexual harassment became an issue, but that did not deter me. I firmly believe that if I pissed her off she could kick my ass, and not in a good way. One of the other guys, a bit of an ass, claimed to have convinced her to have sex with him. He told me that things were just getting really hot, she simply stated “I’m finished” and tossed him off her like a sack of dirty laundry. I was so proud.

I think that I have already confessed an attraction for the physically fit. I went to Hawaii with my whole family. My father took all of us there to help celebrate their 50^th wedding anniversary.  I was in the condo that he rented for me and I had this referral for an in house massage. The woman that showed up carried her heavy massage table effortlessly. I do believe she told me that she surfed in competition. I don’t know if you have ever seen the big waves in Hawaii but I was very impressed.

She was very strong and the hour or so that she rubbed and pounded on me left me in a very relaxed state. I was lying facedown on her table, naked with a towel covering my ass. I was sorely tempted to ask her if she could finish with an English massage. I was very relaxed and she had seen me naked already and did not even chuckle. She made it very clear from the start that there would be zero sexual contacts. But the images in my head of getting a visit later from her male surfer friends made me chicken out. I can’t help but imagine what those strong hands could have done to my chubby butt. I think I would have been on my toes for days.

Weaker Sex HA!

CS

I have been stunned at the number of people here in the United States who refuse to believe in Evolution. Although I am also stunned by the amount of news devoted to bad science and poorly done studies. But I digress.

The fact that species do evolve, of this I have no doubt. However the mechanism of evolutionary change is still poorly understood. I would like to add my two cents bucks.

Take humanity for example, there are many stronger, faster more dangerous species on the planet but why have we gotten to the top of the food chain. I think a lot of this is unbridled sexuality. There are few species on the planet that have sex for other than reproduction, even though a segment of our society would deny this see above. Dolphins are extremely intelligent. Dolphins I have read like to fool around just for fun, unlike most of the animal kingdom that only copulate when in heat.

Take the human female form, just an accident or a product of evolution. Men are highly visual animals. You have to rely on sight and others senses to be a successful hunter. Only a good hunter would be able to feed himself, and have additional food for a mate and family.

Can sell panties too.

I believe that nicely formed buttocks are a highly erotic sight. Why else would there still be strong prohibitions against exposing them in public. It has also been suggested that nicely rounded breasts are unnecessary for breast feeding but serve another purpose altogether. Attractive breasts encourage the much disparaged but highly positive missionary position. Face to face sex is also pretty much a human thing.

What about spanking? There is a lot to be said about who is really in charge in a spanking relationship. I would rather not say what I have been willing to do chasing that particular fantasy. I would say that if you do enjoy it, is there an easier way to impress your man how strong and tough he is?

Strange search results, as I was looking for just the right image for this post these two came up.

Pretty Behinds?

Better luck next time.

CS

I was surprised that Bill Wenzel did not have an entry on the Spanking Art Wiki. However Web-Ed at The Chicago Spanking Review recognized his work and said “probably the 2nd most prolific spanking cartoonist after Bill Ward” I found a couple in my oldest folders and added a few of my personal favorites from The Chicago Spanking Review.

Shaved Peaches?

These last two are variations of one of my favorite Wenzel pieces can not credit revision to any artist. There are a many more to see if you like these just visit The Chicago Spanking Review.

CS

Memory can be a tricky thing; no matter how hard you try forcing retrieving it that one particular bit can be frustrating. Recently I have wanted to write about how I went from being a New Yorker to a Californian but the details have really been eluding me.

One memory that has surfaced recently was a visit I paid to my goombah, that’s the closest I can get to the actual word my mother used but this was my godfather and godmother. They lived in a nice house in the suburbs and I spent a week or two with them. My godfather was one of those guys that could plant a stick in the ground and it would grow. His yard was full of fruits and vegetables that flourished under his care. I remember trellis covered sidewalks with fat bunches of grapes hanging from the vines growing on them. Tomato plants fat with fruit, peppers and squash. I don’t know where but I suspect that the fig trees in my family’s yards all came from cuttings from his trees.

Their home was very quiet, having a younger and an older sister and an older brother my home usually had something going on, and we all ate together for most of the years I was growing up. My godmother was very concerned that I would get bored but I found staying with them very nice. I usually was able to find something quiet to keep myself occupied. I had brought a few books to read.

Holey Adam West’s underwear, when I think about this I am still about 12 years old, on the inside. I may be a whole lot more taciturn today but many of my habits, likes and dislikes were already in place back then. Yes I did get bigger and hairier and lately even bigger and less hairy but there are some things I don’t think I will ever outgrow. There is one bright side at least I stopped chasing twelve year old girls when I turned thirteen.

CS

This was the first time I posted to a blog. I opened a blogger account and just started. It seems to be from 12/20/2010 but since then I am still floundering but I think there has been some improvement in my writing. I really have trouble focusing, while I am hunting and pecking my way through a line my mind has raced ahead a couple of paragraphs.

As long as I can remember I have been a spankoholic. My earliest memories, long before I knew what puddled in my bed at night, I was strangely excited by spankings. In movies, books and rarely observed live episodes. Most of my life I have hidden this part away.  Sometimes with good cause, usually just thinking I was weird.

I was once told by a therapist that I was gay. Whew! my secret was safe, he thinks I am a homosexual. As I grew up and became aware of the opposite sex, I just knew that I would grow out of my strange obsession. Sadly this was not the case, to this day I love spanking!

Secrets are hard to keep. I had thought that I had concealed the truth. One year I was visiting a friend in New York City. My best friend at the time. Attended school together, hung out a lot. I was Best Man at his wedding. It was near my birthday and my buddy handed me a plain white envelope. Inside was this card.

Girl on girl and vintage to boot!

It was over, I was outed! He didn’t say a word, just walked away.

That night at his apartment after we had retired for the night, I heard unusual sounds from my friends bedroom. He was spanking his wife. I was frozen in place, as much as I wanted to see the event I was very happy just to hear it. I can’t say if she enjoyed it as much as my friend or me, but this was turning out to one fine birthday. One of my most memorable. The next day nothing was said.

Hope you liked it, although I think I prefer spankophile.

CS

Imagine that, I am sick and twisted, just because I like spanking and think that it is a completely normal thing. I have to quote silly movie number 1 National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon, Kathy Ireland “I’m just a gal like any other gal. I want a home, a family, an occasional spanking.” Sorry about that but if you got stuck with me, occasional would not even be close. Often I wonder if my life would have been simpler if I had been “normal”. I look around, read the news on the internet and just have to ask if the world has gone off the deep end. I am not normal but I do think that the normal world leaves a lot to be desired.

Sick and twisted that really describes my sense of humor, also my outlook on life in general. I have this really nasty habit of speaking my mind without thinking about the consequences first. If I attended a tea bagger rally I would have to ask just where the fuck were you assholes in 2000 when the worst president in history was selected. I have called my bosses out on stupid ideas and told my employers just where to get off, if I was not a truly useful fellow to have around I am sure that I would have spent a lot more time unemployed just for speaking my mind. I was not, in my whole working history I collected unemployment benefits for 2 weeks, and I had to go to a hearing for that.

I do speak my mind, I have this enormous regard for the truth, I have been robbed but will not steal from others, I like a good buzz but it has been getting harder to do this legally, I am looking forward to retirement but it looks like the dog will be eating better than me, oh well I could get lucky and kick the bucket just as my money runs out.

The one thing left in my Bucket List is to finally achieve my fondest fantasy and hook up with a woman who wants me to spank her butt until I am satisfied. This may not be an impossible dream, after all I was introduced to a woman naked, hung over and I had just puked in the hand that she shook, but we still had sex, several times. To me that’s encouraging.

Why the random pictures, hopefully to keeep you interested to the end.

I warned you I was sick and twisted.

CS

I can’t speak from personal experience but from movies (The Wrestler, Showgirls) it seems to me that a lap dance is not the horrible thing that is often expressed by religious and community leaders. I can hear it now; it demeans and objectifies women, it is a threat to families and on and on. The first job I got was working in an injection molding plant. There plastic was heated until soft then forced into molds to form various products. I think that the exposure to toxic chemicals in this plant was far worse for the young women that operated the machines than a lap dance. The pay and benefits were terrible.

It’s not like I have ever done this, the closest I came was on a trip to Las Vegas. We were sitting around our hotel room and done enough gambling. It was time to go to a strip club. Since our condition was not sober to begin with we took a cab and let him drop us off at a suitable location. I have always liked to look at women and having them take off their clothes to loud and pounding music suited me just fine.

I was drinking chilled vodka by the glassful so after a few of these I wandered off and found myself in hell, actually it was a place called Dante’s Inferno. I was chatting up this cute young woman dressed in brilliant white lingerie. Her skin was tanned and the contrast striking. She kept telling that we could do stuff if I signed this credit card receipt. She did get pretty close and leaned over to whisper hotly in my ear. We could go into a private room and all my dreams would be realized.  I was pretty drunk by that time but I still objected to the amount of money we were talking about. I decided I was not a high enough roller (take that any way you want) to even be there and went out. I suppose I was a perfect target to be rolled but by this time I just had enough cash for cab fare, I don’t even think I had any left over for a tip.

But in my imagination and from seeing it demonstrated in movies it seems like a lap dance would be a lot like watching a stripper. The only difference is that your performer would rub her rapidly exposed flesh against me. I would not be allowed to touch her and she would be in complete control. I know it has been a very long time but this kind of sounds like the second date.

The other kind of lap dance I find much more exciting.  There a lot of similarities here. As the top the fewer clothes she wears the better. In fact for me if she is wearing nothing at all and is stretched across my lap that is perfect for me. I do enjoy the felling of skin against skin but if I am completely dressed it really seems to make her so much more open and vulnerable. If you saw a recent post I don’t think I was able to relate how erotic it is to feel her squirming against my dress slacks, the roughness of the material, and her warmth through my clothing. To top it off I am allowed to touch here, to feel the soft skin of her thighs, or pressing down on the small of her back, and better yet reaching under to cup a breast and hopefully a hard nipple.

Since I am a switch to me I don’t mind if the hairbrush is in the other hand so to speak. While I am being forced over a feminine knee wearing only briefs which are removed shortly. I can feel her hose and grasp at her legs or ankles, feeling vulnerable myself. I am waiting for the hairbrush to descend lost and the whole of the time being wrapped up in the sound of her and the scent of her perfume. Well now that’s lap dancing.

CS

This is an unusual posting. If you are looking for the regular CS spanking stuff tune in later in the week. Since this is a leap day and it occurs only once every 4 years I thought I would take the time to reflect and pass on some things I have learned from my life. On February 3 I thought the time had come to fess up and divulge a little of the facts of my existence, I also posted a snapshot of what I actually look like. A couple of weeks ago I had some kind of strange reaction. I was in incredible pain and I thought that it was all over except for the crying. I recovered.

When I was a younger man the only things that truly interested me were sex and rock & roll and drugs in that order. As time went on the sex and r&r became less and less important. What drug is unimportant a good friend of mine had a home and lost it through drink; he had to move in with his mother despite being almost 60 years old. I owned my own 3 bedroom house and bought a Yamaha baby grand piano. The piano took up the dining room and one of my fondest memories is playing this piano for my parents and family, all those music lessons had finally paid off.

Most people have to lose everything before they are willing to admit that there is something wrong. I was lucky, when I sold my piano because I was spending too much money on drugs that was an epiphany for me. I took drastic steps and the result was that my rapid decline slowed and I got a better job, sold that house and bought a 4 bedroom house. I consider my self a lucky man.

So respecting my passion for classical rock I would consider my theme song for those years to be “Lucky Man” by ELP. For the younger set ELP was a classical rock fusion group Keith Emerson on Piano, Greg Lake Guitar and vocals and Carl Palmer percussion.

To stay with the classical rock theme, most of my recent years would have to be from “Close to the Edge” from Yes. “I get up, I get down” absolutely describes the way I feel. Really intense swings from who cares? To I can do anything I want. Right now I am in an up swing. It used to be called manic but I think that term has been retired for the less descriptive Bi-Polar.

Music is now more important to me than ever and I have to thank an old friend for reminding me of that. We both went to the same middle school and high school together. The best thing that I can hope for now is that my current theme will not be “they’re coming to take me away!”

HA HA CS

Happy Leap Day!!!!!!

I was watching the sword and sorcerer / “adult” comedy flick called Your Highness. It was pretty bad but after reading that most of the movie was improvised  it had the potential to be much worse. One scene that was too short was of Natalie Portman in a thong. She strips down for bathing and dives into a lake. It seems to be her in the standing shot and I think she looks fine in a thong.

Oddly enough the trailer for the film had to be digitally altered I suppose she is showing too much skin.

I assume that whoever required this edit hasn’t been to the beach recently.

The movie was definitely a stoner movie. In one scene the villain catches a fairy like creature crushes and then snorts it. One of the main characters seems to like to get baked, a lot. He is the prince’s younger brother but I think he should have been addressed as your highness.

The funniest scene in the movie, after I spit out what I was choking on, that is, took place in a maze. A minotaur tries to rape Courtney who is squire to the prince. Natalie plays a pan flute to sooth the savage beast and it steps away from Courtney. The funny thing is that since the minotaur is half animal from the waste down it is acceptable to show him with an erection. Personally a Minotaur with a boner is a comic moment worth noting.

The hero quickly dispatches the beast and then tries to take a trophy. His attempts to hack off one of the Minotaur’s horns are a failure so he takes the next most prominent feature and hangs it around his neck.

If these screen captures are offensive to anyone I am sorry but I thought this was funny stuff.

CS