Today anything that you find exciting can be found on the internet. Never mind Facebook or other internet fads, porn has been the main staple of the internet and despite what anyone may tell you adult content was responsible for the incredible expansion of the internet. I would not be surprised if adult search terms still are the most popular on any search engine.

That being said when I was younger; a few years ago there was this movie phenomena, an X rated fable about a young woman with an exceptional problem. You see her clitoris was in her throat. Everyone and his cousin were going to see this movie. I had to go as well and a few of my friends conspired to get into a movie theater in Manhattan and see just what everyone was talking about.

Interestingly enough after all this time I can only remember the jokes from the movie. Too many years of porn has dimmed the details of the adult action. I do remember a few lines, “How would you like it if you had balls in your ears?” rim shot “I guess I could hear myself coming!”

After the now Clichéd delivery boy drops off some groceries, Helen one of the characters in the movie sits on a kitchen counter while he proceeds to eat her. “Do you mind if I smoke while you eat?” “No not at all” was his answer; I guess he was busy anyway.

So here I am in this darkened movie house, watching all kinds of sweaty sexual behavior on that big screen that I have yet to come close to myself and wondering if that’s what all the fuss was about. I did not find this objectionable in any way but seriously folks unless I was going to come in my pants it was the equivalent of a crummy date.

All of that moaning and grunting had a proper place in the movies, any dark corner of the balcony. I did not have a problem with nudity blown up to huge proportions but my little 6 incher could not compete. I keep thinking of today’s technology, huge IMAX screens and 3D, here is this huge member poking out from the screen. Hey watch out. I thought that Michael Jackson was the scariest thing ever to be in 3D but I could be mistaken. Harry Reems was in this movie and I do believe that a baby’s arm holding an apple is smaller.

I was excited by the movie but to be frank in those years inconvenient erections were the norm. I was a normal guy and spent 75% of my waking hours and at least 55% of my sleeping hours excited and wondering just what I was going to do about it. I did like movies with a date, and I have made some serious misjudgments about my dates, but I never gave up.

Come on though, single guy, no car, the movies were the only relatively private place to fool around.  If some foolish young woman joined me for a film it was fair game to put my arm around her and pull her in close. I do think that on some occasions their heart rates equaled my own and with the movie playing on the screen and the blood singing in our ears, well to be blunt who needed dirty movies.

CS